Junsu’s cyworld - February 26, 2012 (updated w/ trans)
Unknowingly, it’s been a month since Father left me.
There’s no time for me to spend mourning and getting my spirits up and
just like that I spent these busy days away.
Looking back now, everything is like a dream, it’s still like a dream.
After settling father’s funeral, moving and sorting out related stuff.
Everything was my first time.
As a new father (of the household), this is the first thing that I had to do, therefore, I have to clench my teeth even more
Right now reminiscing back to the period at the funeral, to all who did not let my father feel lonely during his journey, hereby I sincerely feel thankful to all with tears.
After experiencing all this, I feel a great warmth that I never had before.
Thinking that I had to be even stronger, however, sometimes right at this moment, the great emptiness just can’t be controlled.
The sense of emptiness that is chasing behind (me), my heart will feel even emptier and silent.
On the sudden death of my father, today I’m self doubting myself, throwing away my dream.
In eight years of relentless daily life, the society becomes decadent.
Because of regret, the mind that looked back.
How should I adapt the time spent with you that had ended now?
Although, it’s cold but it’s warm as well,
Although it’s warm but cold as well.
At that time, I did not understand you.
but now I had seemed to realize that the time had come to an end.
Try to forget, those that contain precious stories.
A lot of traces still remained.
Wherever, you will always be calling out “eldest son”.
Will never forget your loud voice in my ear.
Student days, in order to prepare for exams and still learning late in the night.
Quietly came to my side and rub my shoulders with a pair of warm hands.
Childhood, taught me boxing and football, the stadium that we used to run together, was filled with the sound of our breathing.
Until a few days before you passed away, still worrying about my knee surgery.
Because of the worrying, you went to the emergency room without last words with his sons.
But now no longer, can I see you, hear you, touch you, and my heart really hurts.
After becoming an adult, saying the words “I LOVE YOU” is not easy and I’m unable to create the only memories between us.
This made my heart hurt.
I love you
I’m sorry,
Dad.
Please rest in peace.———————————-
26 February 2012
Son, Junsu
———————————-Translated by Kai2dayeo
